The Mirror Called “Them”: Triggers, Healing, and the Divine Curriculum of Relationship.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

— Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

INTRODUCTION:

What if the people who hurt us the most weren’t here just to break us, but to reveal us? What if your most triggering relationships are not just cosmic accidents or divine punishments, but invitations into the parts of yourself you’ve abandoned, repressed, feared, or disowned?

In psychology, we often speak of the concept of projection, the unconscious transfer of our own emotions onto others. But what if, beyond projection, we are actually attracting emotional tutors embodied lessons in human form that reflect where our soul needs growth, repair, or resurrection?

THE DIVINE CURRICULUM OF TRIGGERS:

Journey with me to the ”them”

“An aggressive emotionally reactive person will come into your life and show you how much you suppress your own emotions.

A clingy and needy person will come into your life and show you how much you fear intimacy.

An emotionally absent person will show you that you do not love yourself.

An abusive person will come into your life and show you how weak your boundaries are.

An argumentative person will come into your life to show you how much you avoid conflict.

A controlling person will come into your life and show you how much you cope by running from responsibility.

A lazy person will come into your life and show you how much you overwork and can’t relax.”

This is not spiritualizing abuse. This is not romanticizing pain. This is reframing trauma through the lens of growth without minimizing accountability. What it offers is a deep mirror of self-inquiry, not to excuse others, but to empower you.

HEALING: NOT THE ABSENCE OF TRIGGERS, BUT THE MASTERY OF RESPONSE

A healed person is not a person without triggers. That’s a myth. A healed person is someone who has befriended their trigger and asked it what it’s here to teach.

Before healing, the trigger controls your behavior.

After healing, the trigger informs your insight.

A healed person might still feel the rush of heat when confronted by disrespect. The heart might still race at abandonment. But instead of spiraling into depression, dissociation, or aggression, the healed person pauses, becomes curious, and responds, not reacts.

They ask:

 • Why am I activated?

 • What unmet need is being poked?

 • What memory is this emotion dragging up from the basement of my soul?

 • What part of me still needs witnessing, therapy, or healthy reparenting?

That question “What is this showing me about me?” is not self-blame. It is self-empowerment. It’s a reclaiming of your narrative.

THE TRIGGER AS CLINICAL DATA

From a psychological standpoint, triggers are diagnostic tools. They are like emotional MRIs, scanning the scar tissue of our life, pointing to where healing is incomplete. In trauma-informed therapy, we teach that:

 • Triggers are unintegrated experiences.

 • Emotional flashbacks signal unresolved developmental trauma.

 • Reactivity often means our inner child is responding, not our adult self.

This is why therapeutic work is essential. A good therapist does not remove your triggers; they walk you into the fire of your memories and help you come out as pure gold. 

THE PARADOX OF PAIN

Every soul on this planet is enrolled in a school, the school of becoming• And in this divine curriculum (let this one reshape your view), your enemies often play more important roles than your friends.

Consider this:

Judas was necessary for Jesus to reach the cross.

Pharaoh was necessary for Moses to awaken to his calling.

Goliath was necessary for David to walk into his anointing.

What if those who trigger you are part of your sacred development contract?

This does not mean tolerate abuse or justify evil. It means take the lesson, exit the classroom if needed, but don’t leave without the wisdom.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

— James 1:2–4

Spiritual maturity, according to Scripture, is not the absence of trouble, it’s the fruit born from wrestling with it. Triggers are trials that test our faith not in God alone, but in ourselves, our identity, our boundaries, our healing, and our truth.

A CALL TO ACTION:

So what now? What do you do when the mirror of a triggering person confronts you?

1. Pause. Don’t react. Reflect.

 • Ask: What emotion just got activated? What memory is this touching?

2. Journal the Pattern.

 • Recurrence reveals roots. If a pattern keeps repeating, it’s not punishment, it’s unfinished business.

3. Seek Therapy.

 • You do not have to heal alone. Find someone trained to walk you through the wilderness of your own mind.

4. Develop Emotional Life Skills.

 • Learn how to self-soothe, set boundaries, But with Grace. articulate needs, and honor your emotions without shame.

5. Practice Compassion, But With Discernment.

 • Understand others are mirrors, not excuses. Don’t stay in harm’s way, but don’t throw away the message because you disliked the messenger.

CONCLUSION:

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never be hurt again. It means the next time someone presses your wounds, you’ll know how to treat the wound instead of stabbing back.

You’ll be triggered—but wiser.

You’ll be shaken—but not shattered.

You’ll feel—but won’t be ruled by feeling.

And most importantly: you’ll finally meet yourself.

So when the next triggering person shows up, before you cancel them, curse them, or collapse, take a breath and whisper:

“What are you here to teach me about me?”

Your healing awaits.

Written by: Jermy Arnold

Mental Health Clinician | Theologian | Trauma-Informed Therapist