“I Am Desirous to Be Present at My Funeral Before I Die"

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” — Proverbs 3:27

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11

It is a poignant irony of life that we often reserve our most meaningful words for those we love only after they have passed away. We weave together eulogies rich with poetry and heartfelt anecdotes, yet the one person who most needs to hear those sentiments lies still and silent, beyond our reach. What transformations might occur in our relationships if, as my friend Paula suggested, we were to hold our “funeral service” while we still lived—expressing our love openly and without reservation while we have the time?

The apostle Paul exhorts us to “encourage one another and build one another up.” This is not a call to generic kindness but to intentional, timely action. What are we waiting for? The greatest gift we can give someone is to let them know they are deeply seen and loved—not someday, but today.

Many among us wrestle with the ache of invisibility. Some long for love, whispering in their hearts, “Why does no one care for me?” Others burn with unrecognized potential, lamenting, “My gifts are wasted.” Still, others knock endlessly on doors for an opportunity to matter, praying someone will let them in.

But there is a deeper despair—a silent, suffocating loneliness that says, “I am not needed at all.” This is the plight of the young person overshadowed by busy elders or the elder whose wisdom goes unnoticed by younger generations. For these, the world feels like a vast, empty room where their voice echoes unheard. The sun shines outside, but their internal skies remain gray.

The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard wrote that “life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.” In the same way, we often understand love too late—when the chance to express it is gone. Yet love, at its core, is not just about feelings; it is about action. The Christian gospel reminds us that love is not simply passive observation but active, sacrificial giving.

Jesus saw the unseen. He noticed the despised tax collector, the broken woman at the well, and the children whom society dismissed. He gave them dignity, affirming their humanity in ways that transformed them. He didn’t wait until their stories were over; He loved them fully and visibly in the moment.

Theologically, this reflects God’s heart: “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). God does not wait for us to earn His affection or prove our worth. His love is present and persistent, breaking through our masks of inadequacy and despair. He calls us to reflect this love by seeing, naming, and affirming the worth of those around us now—not in some distant future.

Imagine the transformation if we treated every day as an opportunity to give a living eulogy to those we cherish. Imagine if we broke through the fog of routine and truly saw each other. The poet Maya Angelou famously said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Let us make others feel loved, valued, and seen while we still have breath to speak and hands to serve.

The funeral we should hold before we die is not about mourning but celebrating. Let us celebrate the lives of those around us by offering them the gift of love and recognition today. And for those who feel unseen, let us remind them: You are here for a reason. You are loved, and your life has immeasurable worth.

Let us live and love fully, for tomorrow is not promised, but today is a sacred gift.

-Jermy Arnold